Out of Hibernation—Embracing the cycle

As the bears wake from hibernation, I too feel the sun kissing my face in the mornings. Gentle chirps dance in my ears. Songbirds filtering peacefully through the windowpanes. I roll over and can hear them while it's still dark out each day. They bring a smile to my face.

Happy to have them back. I pick up my freshly brewed coffee and slide the door open to see the morning breeze whisp through the leaves. Fuzzy and soft fur slips through my legs to get out too. It’s Tuko running to release his bladder. We both greet the crisp morning air with a sense of gratitude and relief. As sweetness tickles my nostrils, I take a moment to fill my lungs slowly, deeply. Fresh blossoms are in bloom, among the daffodils. Soon there will be tulips too. Spring is here and I’m enjoying my circadian rhythm syncing to allow a slice of solitude to the early morning before a dose of chaos will surely ensue.

It has taken a few years to get to this point. It's been a journey. Practicing what I preach. Doing the work, learning to manage my own emotions.

Self regulation is a phenomenon we are teaching our children, and it is related to emotional development—crucial to our mental health. Grateful to see it incorporated in our education system for the benefits to learning are critical.

It can be said that beneath the iceberg, we all have challenges to overcome and move through whether we are ready to or not. Even the professionals you work with, such as myself.

The idea of re-parenting ourselves stuck with me after reading it once on a social media post.  The pressures I seem to place upon myself, I could do without but, I will continue to strive modelling what it is I would like to see in my children one day. But boy oh boy, is it ever harder to follow through consistently. Each day is so different and when every day stuff hits me or bogs me down, old habits can come rushing back in.  

I’m not perfect.

I mess up.

I make mistakes, all the time. It is hard work! The absolute toughest job there is. One that will never end. It will be with you for eternity. To me, being a parent is the most powerful, most rewarding, and satisfying labour of love there could ever be. Should we stay open to continue learning and growing, we can always find something beautiful to focus on. Well, this is my opinion and where I chose to focus my energy.

As part of my strategies I have learned to make time for self development. Morning routines include meditation. I cycle through guided ones, listening to gentle music, or informational podcasts, move my body, and more recently, writing. I need something different at different times of my cycle. Sometimes, it's a combination, sometimes I just need extra rest. And that's ok, because it's what I need. I repeat this to myself often, as I too need the reminder. It IS ok.

Everything in nature lives in a cycle. All animals, plants, and humans too. I'm still trying to work out why it has been difficult for me to accept this about myself though I am finally finding solace in it now. I am choosing to embrace it.

This is me.

Perhaps now that I am now in my forties, I care less about what others think. Maybe it’s because I am out of my hibernation. Or maybe it’s because I am finally understanding myself and accepting me for who I am. Whatever the reason, it is multifaceted and I have come to realize others accept me for who I am, so it's about time I do too!

This is my current cycle:

There are days I can go hard. I can exercise with an intensity, strength, and power I never knew I had. I have this energy that just keeps going like the energizer bunny. I socialize as an extrovert and will exuberate confidence, for the most part. I get things done and feel incredibly productive. But, then as I approach the other side of my cycle I begin to retract inward. I require solitude, solace and I find safety curling up in my turtle shell. I get overstimulated very easily.

I am both an introvert and an extrovert! I am a Gemini after all.

I seem to have an inner battle with myself. And although I know this stems from a variety of places or expectations, I place upon myself, I push through and fight past my boundary.

My European upbringing taught me to have a strong work ethic: “suck it up.”

Dancing on a stage taught me to smile through the pain. Makeup covers it up, doesn’t it? So, it’s confusing to others when I can voice and communicate my experience with such detail, while my physical actions express otherwise. I want to save face and be there for my children, family, and those I work with. And yet, as I age, I just can’t do that as easily anymore. I also do not want them to learn these habits nor witness it. Pushing past our physical capabilities, beyond our threshold and to our breaking points is just not a healthy way to live all the time. Watching me model this example is not what I want for them. I want them to learn appropriate self regulation.

So here I am typing about my experience of learning to accept my journey for what it is. Embracing that rest is required. It is part of my journey. It is part of the process.

This self-reflection process is needed so that the strength can be rebuilt accordingly in a healthy way by my means—the means that works for me. What 'means’ works for you? What is your cycle? I'd love to hear from you.

With Love,

Melanie Watts